Talking About Sexuality: Children Under 3
"I have two daddies."
What children talk about and play at this age is what they know. They are beginning to pretend-play, using roles of the most important people in their lives. For each child, these are different. Around age 2 or 3, our children will naturally use us as their models of nurturing relationships. At child care or in play groups, children are just beginning to assign roles to themselves and other children, as in: "OK, we'll be the daddies, and you be the baby."
Children in this age group are interested in relationships between adults. They are often heard saying things like "Kiss Daddy" or "Kiss Papa" to prompt their parents to show affection. This reinforces their understanding of the connection between their parents.
Parents may want to be prepared for this. Children will talk about who is in their family in grocery stores, at family gatherings, in parks and anywhere else they catch the attention of another person. If we are not prepared, we risk responding in a way that communicates embarrassment, secrecy or shame. Multiracial families may find themselves constantly defining their families in public places as people ask the children, "Who is your mom?"
Some parents may choose to point out to children that people make mistakes about their family. Indicating that the question is silly or the person might be uninformed is one way of reinforcing who is in their family. For example, you could say: "She thought that you must have a dad somewhere. In your family, you have two mommies."
