How Can a Parent Find Supportive Education for a Gender-Variant Child?
Answered by Edgardo Menvielle, MD, and Catherine Tuerk, MA, RN, CS of the Children’s National Medical Center’s Outreach Program for Children with Gender-Variant Behaviors and Their Families. June 15, 2006.
Q: Dear Experts,
I have a dear friend whose 8-year-old son has self-identified as transgender. He doesn’t use that exact term, but he tells his mom that he feels like he should be a girl, and why wasn’t he born a girl? He is very effeminate and is the object of constant harassment at his public school, to the point where he is reluctant to participate at all. His mother would love to send him to a local charter private school for artistic children since he has shown a remarkable talent for drawing, especially clothing, but the tuition is beyond her means.
I have discussed with her the options for challenging the school’s lack of response to her child’s needs and their responsibility to make sure he gets an equal opportunity to learn, but I do not know what legal avenue to advise her to take should she decide to challenge the school system.
Thanks for your advice.
Michael
A: Dear Michael,
Children with a strong and persistent gender identification that is not congruent with their birth sex may eventually consider themselves transgender, but this is not always the case. The gender self-identification may decrease and even resolve during and after puberty, although it does not always. Research has shown that many extremely feminine young boys, for example, grow up to have same-sex attractions and may self-identify as a gay or bisexual male, and a smaller percentage grow up to have opposite-sex attractions exclusively and self-identify as heterosexual. Regardless of the adult self-identification, during their school years children with gender-variant behaviors and interests are often victims of peer and adult bullying and harassment. This abuse can start as early as kindergarten and tends to worsen over time. Bullying tends to be worst during middle school. Ongoing abuse can lead to emotional problems, although some children demonstrate considerable resilience.
School programs that allow children to cultivate their talents and interests are always an excellent idea. Given the vulnerabilities of children with gender-variant behaviors, a school social climate that celebrates diversity and promotes a culture of respect for individual differences can be invaluable. School districts vary in their culture and policies regarding harassment related to declared or perceived sexual orientation and gender role/identity. Some districts have policies that explicitly forbid such forms of abuse; others do not. The enforcement of such policies can also vary considerably. A few school districts have developed alternative programs to protect gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender adolescents and decrease the high level of drop-outs due to harassment in this group (e.g., Harvey Milk High School in New York City). Of course, the choices available to a particular family vary depending on their location and their financial resources (in the case of wanting private schooling). Families also vary in their personal preferences. Some private schools provide financial assistance, and some progressive schools committed to respect for diversity may be willing to consider the special circumstances of this child in their admission and financial assistance decisions.
Unfortunately I am not qualified to address your question regarding legal recourses [Editor’s Note: See Harassment & Discrimination: A Legal Overview, by the National Center for Lesbian Rights], but I would like to make you aware of a program that we offer which may benefit your friend in a different way. The Children’s National Medical Center’s Outreach Program for Children with Gender-Variant Behaviors and Their Families helps mothers and fathers to parent in an affirming manner and advocate in schools and other environments where children are bullied. Our members-only electronic listserv allows parents to discuss their experiences with other parents. Since many of the challenges faced by these children and families are almost universal, parent-to-parent support can be very helpful to navigate practical and emotional challenges. We also offer online resources, including a downloadable Parent Guide booklet that parents can use to educate school staff. As part of our outreach we have provided professional consultation to schools interested in making their program more welcoming for students with gender-variant behaviors and GLBT students. The Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network offers curricula and other tools to help schools become more inclusive.
