Can an HIV-Positive Man Adopt? (Dear Maxine)
Q: Dear Maxine,
My partner and I are beginning the adoption process. We are working with a gay-friendly and well-established adoption agency in Chicago. I am HIV positive and my partner is negative. We are planning on doing an open adoption, which means the birth mother chooses the adoptive parents from a pool of candidate families. Although the agency has absolutely no problem with my HIV status, they require that medical conditions be revealed in the information that is presented to potential birth mothers. We are concerned that a potential birth mother might not know how manageable HIV can be now, and will therefore pass us up.
We suggested that if a birth mother selects us, we disclose my status face to face at the "match meeting." This will give us the best opportunity to educate her about HIV parenting issues. However, the agency's policy is to disclose medical information in the profile materials prior to any meetings. This is the first time the agency is dealing with an HIV-positive adoptive parent and they recognize the unique issues around HIV compared to other chronic medical conditions. They are open to our suggestions on how to best handle this.
Do you have any experience with this, or have any ideas of how disclosure can be handled without minimizing our chances of being selected?
Alex
A: Dear Alex:
In answer to your question about the Chicago agency’s policy regarding disclosure of your HIV status to birth parents, I have to admit that we have the same policy. Unfortunately, I also have to agree that your chances of being selected are minimized by the fact that you have this condition, but birth parents do have the right to make fully informed decisions about the family for their baby.
Of course, any family can develop a life-threatening condition or even suddenly die, but this is usually unanticipated. Although I understand the reasoning behind your request to inform the birth parents and think it is reasonable, it could also work against you if they feel deceived. If you are able to personalize your profile, I suggest that you directly address the issue with information about your health status, the prognosis for your future, and your plans for your child in case your health should deteriorate. I’m afraid there is no clear-cut answer for your situation.
Best of luck to you and your partner and I hope that things work out!
Maxine Chalker, MSW/LSW
Chalker is founder and executive director of Adoptions From The Heart.
April 18, 2003