Keeping Faith and Hope During the Adoption Process
November 22, 2011 by Guest contributor
November is National Adoption Month, making it the perfect opportunity to learn more about foster care and adoption resources for LGBT individuals and couples. Throughout National Adoption month, HRC will celebrate LGBT families and their stories of adoption, as told in their own words. Do you have an experience to share? Enter now and your story could be featured on HRC Backstory.
Post submitted by Nicole Feldman of Euless, TX
My partner and I had been together 5 years and we always knew we wanted to be parents. We had started the process of looking into sperm donors and adoption. We got a call around Christmas 2010 from a family friend who knew someone who wanted to give their child a better life than she could provide.
We met with the birth-mother on January 1 and on January 17 she picked Abby and I as the adoptive parents. We immediately started the search for a great lawyer.
As the baby’s due date grew closer we started working on the nursery, going to all the doctor appointments and finishing our legal paperwork.
On March 31, 2011 at 8 p.m. we got the call: The birth mother was in labor. We rushed to the hospital to find that she was going to deliver our little angel soon. Abby and I were in the room as she gave birth to our healthy 7lb 7oz baby boy.
Kenneth Max Feldman had made his arrival. The first time we held him, Abby and I knew that God had created that bundle of joy just for us. He immediately had Abby’s calm demeanor and my strong will.
He stayed with us in the room at the hospital and we got to spend every second with him. As we were driving home we knew our lives had changed forever and we were so grateful that the birth mother knew we were the right fit.
We are from Texas, so one must file the termination of rights before we could be appointed his legal guardians. When Max was 6 months old, we went back to court for the final adoption hearing. Twenty family members and friends surrounded us. The judge was in awe that this many people would show up for something that would take a few moments.
We were fully aware that the judge might not grant Abby and I the adoption together, as we live in the "Bible Belt.” One of us would have to be joint conservatorship management. We prayed and had faith and hope that this judge would do the right thing, not only by us, but also our son. He did. Abby and I are both on the adoption paperwork and I am officially a Feldman so that we share the same last name. There were many nights that we cried because we were scared, but now any fear of hurting Max is gone.
We are all a family, one that wasn't discriminated against, one that was accepted and loved. We are the Feldman’s and our little angel Max has forever changed our lives.
Never give up hope that you cannot have the same dreams and desires to have a family, we never did and we have been given the best gift from God: Kenneth Max Feldman.
Today, we received the email from our lawyer that our 30 days were up and that no one could appeal the judge’s decision. We did it!
We want to thank all our family, friends, birth mother and legal team who supported, loved and guided us through this trying time. Most of all we want to thank our little dude for making our family whole. He is the sunshine in our life and his first breath took ours away.
The All Children – All Families initiative, launched in 2007, promotes policies and practices that welcome LGBT foster and adoptive parents. The program seeks to enhance LGBT cultural competence among child welfare professionals and educate LGBT people about opportunities to become foster or adoptive parents to waiting children. To date, ACAF has 50 participating agencies across the country, and has awarded 16 seals of recognition. In September HRC launched a “50 state strategy,” with the goal of securing at least one ACAF-recognized adoption agency dedicated to working with LGBT families in every state. More information about the initiative can be found at www.hrc.org/acaf.
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