Video Interview Transcript
I knew I was gay probably when I was 14 or 15 years old. I don’t know if that point if I put a label to it, but I certainly knew I was different.
The first person I came out to was my sister, Muriel. I came out to her in a letter, which was really horrible. I walked into her house. I handed her a letter and said “Read this. I’m going to leave.” I handed her the letter and left.
Within sports there’s almost a military-style “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” Although many of my teammates will know that I’m gay intuitively, because I’ve not ever had any female partners and I’ve had my friends and partners come to the games. There’s never been any real open acknowledgement of it [being gay].
The decision to come out publicly now is a lot about control, I think. I know that on one side of the Atlantic – in England – I live a pretty open life, I think. And yet, over here [in America] where I’ve worked and lived for so long, nobody’s known. I think there is a big step to be taken when you decide to go from your friends and your family to complete strangers, three or four-thousand miles away from you.
But now [coming out] seems to me to be the right time to basically get the information out there and have coming out be an experience that I can do everywhere – on both sides of the Atlantic.
The decision not to come out whilst I played in the NBA was based on two different levels. One, I feel very much like, in order to play in the NBA, I sacrificed an awful lot. I didn’t start playing basketball until I was 17. I left my home and my family when I was 18 in order to come to America to pursue this dream. And quite frankly, I wasn’t willing to have that dream cut short through actions that weren’t mine. You know, I’m the only English player to have a career in the NBA, and I wasn’t about to let somebody legislate and decide that because of my sexual orientation – that work, that effort, that sacrifice – would be taken away from me. And I think in many ways that can sound quite mercenary, but it was everything at one time for me to be in the NBA, to be the one person from my country to achieve this.
I think had there been an openly gay NBA athlete as I started on my pathway, it would have been… life wouldn’t have been easier, because becoming an NBA athlete or a professional athlete in any sport in so difficult, but it would certainly have been a comfort to see that public figure out there that is an inspirational-type figure. I believe very strongly in the responsibility of people with power and influence to be role models.
I want to try to live in a way that will perhaps in some small way inspire even a few people, I think.
Doing this is terrifying. Simply because you engage a whole sphere of people outside of those people who might necessarily be connected to you. It almost makes you reach out and connect to maybe only 10, maybe hundreds, maybe thousands of people out there. It is quite frightening. It’s a wonderful responsibility to have. I think it’s important. Otherwise I wouldn’t be doing it.
You die a little inside if you can’t have something that brings you a little bit of joy. You know, I think human minds can only stand so much pain and disappointment, and they get to a certain point, whether it be in a really dangerous way or in a really foolish way, your mind will make it so that you search out some kind of joy. Late in my career [as an NBA player] I just got so desperate to have a bit of a life and have people I could feel comfortable around and chat about how I felt and how I thought beyond putting a ball in a hoop. I’ll be honest, I think the friendships I made late in my career really, really helped save my life. It was a real godsend.
Certainly living more openly in the later years of my NBA career was one of the things that radically changed my life. It made me happier. It allowed me to kind of express myself and also just talk to people about the way I felt.
I want to kind of spread my influence. In the same way I got to do that because I had a basketball in my hand. I hope now that perhaps I will have a different lectern to stand behind, but one with an equally important message.