Man in the Middle by John Amaechi
If you’re part of a book club, consider choosing Man in the Middle as one of the titles your club reads this year. Below are some sample questions your club might discuss. If you’re reading on your own, you can use the questions to guide you in your reading.
- How did the ridicule Amaechi experienced in school as a “different” child mirror the bullying and name-calling that many openly GLBT high school students face today?
- Amaechi describes the dichotomy in the early 1990s of the GLBT experience in big American cities, where the gay rights movement was already in full swing, compared to the small town he lived in while attending college, where many gay people were closeted. Do you feel that this dichotomy is still a factor in the lives of GLBT Americans?
- Were you able to relate to the contradiction Amaechi describes feeling during his college years between his burgeoning identity as a gay man and his image of himself as a basketball player and Big Man on Campus? Have you ever experienced a sense of contradiction between your sexual orientation or gender identity and other aspects of your career, family or social life?
- In chapter 11, Amaechi says: “In some ways we were inadvertently fulfilling society’s expectations. By denying gay people recognition not only of who they are but of their relationships, we sometimes ended up having the kinds of illicit sex that fits the stereotype. By banning marriage, our marginalization is ensured.” Do you agree with Amaechi’s assessment?
- Amaechi first came out to his sister and his childhood friend Peter by leaving them notes saying, “I’m not as straight as you might have thought.” How does his technique compare to the first time you came out to someone close to you?
- When Amaechi’s teammates made anti-gay comments in his presence, he sometimes chose to confront the speakers, while sometimes choosing to remain silent. Have you ever heard co-workers make anti-gay comments? How did you respond? If you, like Amaechi, were closeted at the time, did that affect your actions?
- Amaechi became the guardian of two teenage boys while living in a state — Florida — that explicitly denied gay and lesbian people the right to adopt children. Recently, legislators in other states have tried (and failed) to enact similar laws. Do you think these discriminatory measures will become less common with the increased visibility of GLBT parents, including both celebrities like Amaechi, Mary Cheney and Rosie O’Donnell, as well as normal GLBT families?
- Amaechi’s teammate on the Utah Jazz, Karl Malone, once refused to play against Magic Johnson after Johnson came out as HIV-positive. How has American society changed since that time in terms of prejudice against people with HIV/AIDS? Do you think prejudice against GLBT people will follow a similar path?
- While living in Utah and working under a difficult team owner, Amaechi was conscious of the state’s lack of a law protecting GLBT people from employment discrimination. Today, it’s legal in 33 states to fire an employee just for being gay, lesbian or bisexual, and in 42 states it’s legal to fire someone for being transgender. GLBT rights advocates are encouraging the federal government to pass a law banning employment discrimination nationwide. What contribution can you make to the fight for workplace equality for GLBT people?
- At one point in his career, a former boyfriend threatened to “out” Amaechi. What could the repercussions have been for Amaechi had he been outed? How do you feel about the outing of celebrities who have not come out publicly?
- Amaechi discusses failing to give many of his teammates “the benefit of the doubt” by coming out to them as gay. To his surprise, some of them turned out to be very supportive. Have you ever regretted not giving someone “the benefit of the doubt” by coming out